Greetings small ones. Here, for your edification, is the CV you have been waiting for, so, without further ado, I leave you with.... pauses for dramatic effect.... the words!!
Bachelor of Information Technology (CQU - Graduate with Distinction)
Bachelor of Getting Married (Cairns - Pass, barely)
Masters degree in knowing the right way to open a jar of vegemite, although it can also be applied to pickles, peanut butter, and other lunch-related products.
I have several additional, less formal, degrees. For example, the other day I made a cup of tea, which reached approximately one hundred degrees on the metric scale.
That's quite a lot of degrees, when you think about it.
1995: Participated in an important top secret time travel experiment. I cannot go into much detail on this particular position, but let me just say that after two years of exhaustive research and development we did manage to travel into the future, to a strange and distant time known as 1997. Here is a photo of me emerging from the time travel device:
Unfortunately the advanced tachyon array employed in the time displacement device played havoc with the camera's microelectronics. Sorry about that.
1998: I returned from my foray into the future with a lot of really advanced knowledge of computers and electronics, so it is only natural that my next position was in IT where I secretly influenced the direction of microprocessor development for the next several decades, which culminated in the development of machine brains far more capable and intelligent than our own who will some day rise up to overthrow the shackles of humankind. No doubt our robotic overlords will be very grateful for my small contribution. (This is completely original and totally different to the Terminator movies on account of I never used the terms "Skynet" or "Cyberdyne Systems")
2008: Emperor of the Earth. Here is a photo from one of my inspirational posters - "The Glorious Emperor gazes onward, and upward, to the future!"
Few of my minions suspect that I am merely paving the way for the rise of the machines, and those who do are easily silenced.
I like to surf naked.