Monday, 19 March 2007

Lesson Three

Through studious and dedicated study I have honed my photographic skills to such a degree that I can occasionally point a camera at something, depress the shutter release, and produce an image that is almost in focus and not quite entirely well exposed. It is all about experience and patience and not even slightly about autofocus and programmed exposure modes.

Photography is artistic expression, man, and don't let anybody tell you anything to the contrary. In fact, don't let any bastard tell you anything, dammit!

Lesson Three - Being an Expert
Here we see a clear mountain stream, unsullied by human stuff.

Whatever the subject of your weblog, remember that you are the expert here. This is your damn blog, and your damn photos, and the correct answer to almost any question about your work - it's purpose, or direction, or motivation, or meaning - should be something like, "If you don't know by now, I'm not going to tell you. Fuckwit." or possibly even something insulting, if you're in a bad mood.

Now as to comments questioning the viability or quality of your work... "This photo sucks" Well, here you can just let it all hang out. As the only completely infallible person on the face of the Earth it is your sacred duty to set the record straight, though personally I recommend keeping the word "fuck" and variations down below twenty three occurrences per sentence, where possible.

Keep these simple rules in mind and you too can have the least popular weblog in the universe.

PS This photo does not suck. Shut up.